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The Ultimate Arbitrage Betting Strategy! Caution, Joke!


An elderly woman comes into a bank and approaches the nearest counter.

“I would like to open an account with your bank.” she says to the bank clerk.

He smiles and replies, “Why of course, Madam, how much would you like to deposit?”

Cartoon man staring with concern at his monitorImage: Anton Brand (Shutterstock)

“One million pounds!”, says the old lady.

The astonished clerk smiles again but decides to proceed with caution.

“That’s a sizeable sum, Madam, where did you get so much money from?”

The lady is understandably reluctant to answer with so many other bank customers within earshot.

Finally, the clerk decides upon discretion and arranges a private meeting between the lady and the manager of the bank.

After the introductions are over, the bank manager asks the lady, “Madam, where did you get so much money from?”

It’s the profits from all the winning bets I have placed recently”, she smiles.

The bank manager cannot begin to imagine who this woman is or how she can be such a successful gambler, old and frail as she looks. He contemplates the situation for a few seconds before she looks him in the eye and speaks again…

Cartoon old lady with handbagImage: Anton Brand (Shutterstock)

“I bet you ten thousand pounds that your crown jewels are square shaped!”

Caught completely by surprise, the bank manager almost chokes before replying, “That is quite a ridiculous suggestion, Madam. My gonads are as normal as any other man’s!”

Again, the old lady grins before declaring, “Well, if you’re so sure, then you won’t mind putting your money where your mouth is!”

After a few minutes of discussion with this odd woman the bank manager agrees to the wager, and she promises to return the following day at 10am.

That night, the bank manager is in bed and decides to be on the safe side. He slowly snakes his hand towards his crotch and has a good rummage around. Everything is very normal down there he thinks, not in the least bit square! The old lady cannot possibly win. Reassured, he falls asleep.


The next morning the little old lady reappears at the bank with a smart dressed man in tow. They are ushered together into the manager’s office. She explains to the manager that she has brought her lawyer with her to act as a witness to the financial transaction.

As soon as the formalities are out of the way she exclaims, “Well come on then, let’s see them…both!”

Obligingly, the bank manager drops his trousers and whips out his wedding tackle.

Triumphantly he cries, “There, Madam, as you can see, everything is absolutely normal!”

The woman’s eyes narrow as if to focus more fully on the situation before she says with a playful look on her face,

“Well, they look a little lumpy to me!”

The bank manager’s patience is by now a little stretched and he immediately emphasizes that his meat and two veg are perfectly normal for him.

The old lady counters by saying, “Well, as there is the small matter of ten thousand pounds on the line, I need to be absolutely sure – will you let me feel them, please?”

Cartoon man begging for mercyImage: Anton Brand (Shutterstock)

Aghast at such a suggestion the bank manager considers long and hard what to do.

His children’s school fees are due soon and he could really do with the money.

At last, he reluctantly agrees to the lady’s request.

The elderly woman kneels before him and cradles his balls, yanking them this way and that, leaving him feeling weak at the knees.

Just as she stops, satisfied that nothing more can be done, her lawyer collapses onto his knees and begins to howl and cry, beating the floor with a fist.

“What’s the matter with your lawyer?” the bank manager asks.

“Well…”, says the old woman, “You may have won our bet because your testicles are not square at all, but I bet twenty thousand pounds with my lawyer here that I’d have my local bank manager firmly by the balls today..!”


Last Update: 3 January 2015

Categories:Arbitrage Jokes



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